There is an animated video on Facebook of a couple that grow old together. Their life is full of hardships yet they maintain their love and find happiness in little things. At least that's what I think the video is trying to communicate. Lots of people have liked it and I can understand how people can see beauty in it.
I really struggled to watch it to the end. I feel like seeing something so sad - to someone else it might just seem melancholic or even romantic! - could make me fall apart in an instant because I feel that pain. My heart literally aches for cartoon characters! Go figure..
It's easier not to go touching a scar that still hurts. It doesn't even have to be exactly the same feeling or experience that I've had. It's like as if I have in a way become super sensitive to all sorts of sadness and pain that I see. Call me a fool, but I prefer watching silly happy things with happy endings that lift me up or at least lull me into a soft fluffy happy feeling, cos the other kind of feelings are too hard and they scare me. A little "ping" of a spoon at the edge of a fine crystal glass and it might well shatter.
Better not go reading the news in these days.. that will just bring me down.
Thursday, 24 July 2014
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
What's wrong with being lucky?
No excuses. I very rarely post anything here these days. I seem to be too tired, there is very little going on in my brain apart from concentrating on the next exam that is coming up. Ok, excuses but you decide if they are any good.
It's been a couple of weeks since the last exam (for) now and I think my brain is slowly starting to work again. Lots of random stuff is going on in my head; "I should look for a new job. What sort of job should I look for? Should I just not look for a new job for now and stick with it until uni is at a different point? I need to look for a place that will take me for a tirocinio. Must remember to buy litter for the bunny toilet before the pet shop closes for holidays..." Many many not-very-interesting thoughts.
Today I also had something slightly more interesting pop into my head: why is it so hard to admit that sometimes you need luck? A while ago I happened to meet the parents of a dear old friend who has managed to do very well in life so far (Yay! Couldn't be happier for her! And I really truly mean it). Her parents noted this too and said it was down to her guts (true) and her fearless attitude to jump in and try (also definitely true), but when I mentioned she has also been lucky to meet the right people at the right time and of course has had the balls to then grab the opportunities and run with them, they looked at me a bit funny. I didn't actually say that she had balls.. They seemed to think that luck had very little to do with it.
I didn't make much of it at the time, just felt confused as to why it seemed I had said something wrong. We all need a bit of luck. You can try as hard as you want, take all the right courses, read all the right books, but no one guarantees that you will get that break you deserve. Sometimes things just don't work out that way. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't get it all just right, cos that's life. Sometimes you have to make do with what you have, what you've managed to achieve and what you have been given, and run with that. It might in the end work out better than you expected, or it might not. Not all of us will become rich and happy and have beautiful homes and perfect children. Some of us lose jobs, lose family members, lose limbs.. And no matter how hard you try not everything is under your control.
To me, in this moment when the world seems to have gone completely insane, it gives some sort of strange relief thinking that I simply can't keep everything under control and that I'd better learn to live with it.
It's been a couple of weeks since the last exam (for) now and I think my brain is slowly starting to work again. Lots of random stuff is going on in my head; "I should look for a new job. What sort of job should I look for? Should I just not look for a new job for now and stick with it until uni is at a different point? I need to look for a place that will take me for a tirocinio. Must remember to buy litter for the bunny toilet before the pet shop closes for holidays..." Many many not-very-interesting thoughts.
Today I also had something slightly more interesting pop into my head: why is it so hard to admit that sometimes you need luck? A while ago I happened to meet the parents of a dear old friend who has managed to do very well in life so far (Yay! Couldn't be happier for her! And I really truly mean it). Her parents noted this too and said it was down to her guts (true) and her fearless attitude to jump in and try (also definitely true), but when I mentioned she has also been lucky to meet the right people at the right time and of course has had the balls to then grab the opportunities and run with them, they looked at me a bit funny. I didn't actually say that she had balls.. They seemed to think that luck had very little to do with it.
I didn't make much of it at the time, just felt confused as to why it seemed I had said something wrong. We all need a bit of luck. You can try as hard as you want, take all the right courses, read all the right books, but no one guarantees that you will get that break you deserve. Sometimes things just don't work out that way. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't get it all just right, cos that's life. Sometimes you have to make do with what you have, what you've managed to achieve and what you have been given, and run with that. It might in the end work out better than you expected, or it might not. Not all of us will become rich and happy and have beautiful homes and perfect children. Some of us lose jobs, lose family members, lose limbs.. And no matter how hard you try not everything is under your control.
To me, in this moment when the world seems to have gone completely insane, it gives some sort of strange relief thinking that I simply can't keep everything under control and that I'd better learn to live with it.
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